You

Do you think it is selfish to think or worry about you? From your inner health to your outer? Do you focus on what’s important or what makes you happy? 

I’ve realized through the years that are many different types of people. The basic good versus bad, materialistic vs. non materialistic, healthy vs. non healthy. I think your getting my point. However, there are those who seem like the nicest of people, yet something is wrong with them once you get to know them. 

What type of person do you consider yourself to be? I find this question totally relevant because if you don’t know who you are, then how will you be your true self with another person? 

I’ve never once hid who I was. I do the best I can to be very honest with people in my life. I do the very best I can to never judge another person, because honestly that is not my job. Good thing for me I have finally figured out who I am, what I’m all about and what makes me happy. 

Writing has always been a deep passion of mine since I was a little girl. Reading was always tied with it. Because of both I’ve had the opportunity to have my mind expanded beyond anything I could have ever imagined. That’s why I always say I was born in the wrong century. The way my family was you would think it was 1825, or even early 1900’s.  

I’m one of nine children. Two biologically, and the six are step siblings. I have a very large family, we don’t always see each other like we used to, but when we do it’s the best. The many sides of family I have there are many differences and a multiple of difficulty. One side has been dirt poor their entire existence, while the other was middle class to wealthy. While growing up with all of those multiple dynamics you tend to get lost in the shuffle. 

It took me a very, very long time to figure out who I am as a person. Sometimes people just know from the start. Unfortunately for the rest of us these things take time. 

Being 36 years old there are a few things that I’ve kept to myself, others I’ve been totally honest of who I am and what I’m all about. I don’t deny that I have depression, that I used to harm myself in my late teens. The only reason I had was because I lost the one person who totally completely understood me and loved me, my grandmother. When I lost that part of who I was, I had to rediscover myself all over again. It really took some time. I still struggle to this day because I know I am not the easiest person to love, but I know I am totally worth it. 

I am far from materialistic. I prefer my clothes from the second hand stores, shoes are always on clearance and past their season. I only spend money on books, Amazon is my best friend in the entire world. Sad I know, but having a Prime account is totally worth it all. I buy food, but its stuff that is quick and easy. I’m not a fan of cooking large meals anymore. I enjoy staying at home, going out once in a while, but really I am a total homebody. 

The funny thing I’ve realized is that we judge people based on their looks. I have always disliked that saying, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” Or “Beauty is skin deep.” All I can say is, “Really???? Are you kidding me???!!” Today the way we look, how our hair is done, makeup, skinny, curvy, or have a big belly is all on your outside appearance. Men who see that they are super good looking, the known it too. It’s their outside “beauty” that dictates what type of woman they have in their lives. Not one of those guys woul ever go for a “larger” woman unless she looked like Ashley Graham. 

The problem is you can’t be mad at those guys either. Women do the same thing. We think that a guy like Ryan Reynolds, or my ultimate favorite Colin Firth would be out there just waiting for us too. We do have a level of totally body image comparison. The issues I find is if you do meet that guy who is so good looking, then it’s possible he’s not going to be what you want. This is why I say it is important to know you. 

I’m on Match.com. I’m not interested in finding a husband, but interested in meeting someone who I enjoy spending my time with. You get to a point where your totally lonely, you want someone there. Not all the time, but every now and then is great. So, I’ve been on there for a few weeks. I’ve not met any guys or talk to any guys yet. The sad part about all of those dating sites is you are picking and choosing a person based on their looks and what their bio says about them. The problem is, is any of that true? We face rejection in the real world, doing it online just sucks! 

What are your goals? Who are you? What are you all about? These are things I think we need to focus on before we add another person to our lives. If you can’t answer any of it, then you’ve got a problem. Stop whatever it is you are doing and get right with yourself. 

It’s probably the hardest thing you will ever have to do. Don’t worry about this person or that person. They don’t have to look at you everyday. Figure yourself out. Do it now before it becomes too late. Trust me it will be the best thing ever.