Ever get to a point in your life where it is best to stay single? You go out on dates that are set up for you by friends, meet through mutual organizations, or even try those horrible dating sites. I am sure some people have been lucky meeting the right person on those, but unfortunately for me and a few of my friends we have not been so lucky.
They say you aren’t going to meet the right person on those sites right away, that is understandable. You have to weed out those who want nothing but a quick booty call from you. The problem is no matter who you are meeting there is always a hidden agenda. Whatever happened to the idea of keeping dating simple.
You meet someone, your attracted to them, you find that you have things in common, but at the end of the date you either agree to meet again, or just part as friends. The problem is we have become so sexulized by so many things that if we don’t “test the merchandise” then you don’t know if you should proceed to the next date. Now I’ll be honest I’ve been guilty of it, but dating for me has been a hit or miss kind of thing.
In my past blogs you will see what I mean. I am starting to wonder if it is even worth it? I mean I do long for those days of having someone who will make me smile, make me laugh, think of the little things in a relationship, and keep it relaxed. I mean sex would follow, so would just the fun of being together mixed in.
I hope to one day meet the right guy, but being in Kansas City we don’t get many options of men. I’ve said this before and I will say it again we don’t have a large pool of men who are willing to take a chance on a woman who isn’t above a size 4. Some women have zero problem, and I’ve always wondered, “How do they do it?” Is there a level of standards that they don’t have? or Maybe it is what they like?
What do you long for in a relationship? How do you define a relationship? I mean what is your end goal? Do you even know what that is. I mean I look at a few friends I know, some have been married and divorced, but happy. Other’s are married, and have been married for more than fifteen years! I find their life amazing, because I know it isn’t easy. Marriage takes work and trust, but if you fall into that category like me. Two failed engagements, just trying to figure your life out and what makes you happy (finally), where does the concept of relationship or dating come from?
I read a lot of books, nothing wrong with that. I love the idea that they can write love so beautifully, and even make sex seem so fantastic without all the crazy mess that goes into just trying to keep your partner happy. I’ve been open and honest of what I think relationships are between two people, but for some reason it still does not resonate with anyone. Well anyone that matters, because honestly it’s like taking a baseball bat to someone’s overly thick skull and as you hit them with it, nothing happens to them, but you break your bat in the process. Heck try a golf club!
Do you try dating sites? Out of all of them, which one’s are your favorite? I’ve tried eHarmony, Match.com, Tinder, Plenty Of Fish, CoffeeMeetsBagle, Hinge, and I think one more, but the point is I’ve tried a lot of these and yeah I met some nice guys through the site, but meeting them was something different. Grant it none of these sites tell you that you are guaranteed to find happiness or even the love of your life, sorry to burst your bubble, but it doesn’t work that way. Getting to know someone takes time, think about it, you have to be attracted to the person when you first meet them, right? There has to be a level of actual commitment to get to know one another. If you base your relationship on just sex then where will it go? I can tell you from experience NO WHERE!
When your not ready for a certain level of commitment in any kind of relationship, then why are you even trying? Now your end game doesn’t have to be marriage, it could be just the fact that you enjoy spending time with that person, they make you feel special and important. You just want to enjoy the ride no matter how long it lasts.
That is the funny thing about where I live in Kansas City. This town is so big on families, married couples and all around relationship people, but my problem is where are the single people? Am I now out of a certain age range where meeting someone with a brain is even possible? It has gotten harder and harder to meet a good guy, because in reality he’s already met her — in college! Yet, when a woman reaches a certain age and a man is around her age or older, if she states she’s never been married or doesn’t have any kids, he instantly thinks something is wrong with her, like she has some form of leprosy to all of that when in fact she just hasn’t met the right one.
I’ve always imagined the right kind of guy for me. He’s tall, smart, funny, enjoys going out and relaxing at home. Good conversationalist, good listener, looks for the simple things in life, isn’t embarrassed by me, loves pets, has a job (no more losers without a job), can be a man, a bit of an adventurous side when it’s just us. Not focused on the future, but lives in the now. Really taking the relationship moment to moment because that is what we are in, A RELATIONSHIP!!!!
What about you and where you live? How does dating measure up? Is it even worth it or do you just figure that you need to let your life just be and focus on you and what makes you happy. The sad part about all of that is we are never meant to be alone, yet some of us are just unlucky in that area.