Do you go through an judgmental phases in your life? I know I have, I really do the best I can to not do that, but I guess for me it really does depend on the person and situation.
Yesterday was Mother’s Day, honestly I don’t think I’ve ever dreaded the day so much this year as I have in the past. I am normally pretty laid back when it comes to that day because my mom is around, my step-mom is around as well, but for some reason when someone said something to me it really hit me hard. As I have said in a past blog that I am not able to carry any baby in my belly, the idea of adoption is always a plus or something that has always been in the back of my mind, but I knew I would adopt kids but as a single parent. I don’t have the best expectations of a good relationship, but when you realize how your life is looking you just need to accept things that will not change. I am totally okay with one day being a single parent, my mom did it why can’t I?
The problem came to me when a lady looked at me and said, “Hi Jennifer. I would wish you a Happy Mother’s Day, but your not a mom.” she started to laugh. I think it really is a mid-western thing because when a woman reaches a certain age she should already be married (or even divorced) re-married again with a couple of kids. If you are in that age range of 30 plus and you don’t have either of them then you fall into that small select group of, “Oh something is wrong with her.” it is another form of leprosy. Don’t go near her, she’s contagious kind of life. When I got home I felt like crap, I mean really like crap because she doesn’t know me really, doesn’t know my story yet quick to judge me based on the lack of a spouse or child.
Why do we do that to each other? Men don’t face those kinds of judgments, yet women do. I’ve always wondered what kind of life judgments that are out there do men face? As long as they have a job, a roof over their head, and looks like things are working out just fine then there is no issue, no one asking questions! Why is that? Women put so much emphasize on each other’s lives and how we should live it when in reality there is no reason. I apologize if I am so upset about this, but yesterday ruined what was supposed to be a great mother’s day. Grant it my day was ruined with my mother because of this and thank God my mom understood, she didn’t want to cause me anymore pain. I also felt bad because it left my mother apologizing to me, for some reason she felt like she failed me as a mother, when in reality that is far from the truth. I just broke down in my car crying from the fact that no matter what I will always get judged on that one issue. I get the sympathy look when truth comes out that I’m not married, no kids, plus being single on top of all of that gets me this strange look. Ladies if you know the look then you will totally understand, but if you are not familiar with it, it’s that look of, “Oh how sad for you.”
When will we ever get to a point in society that it is okay for a woman of a certain age to make her life her own? Kids or no kids, husband or no husband? I mean does she have to tell you that she had sex last night for her to seem “normal” when in reality the guy is just a f&*%k buddy! That look is even worse, you are looked at like some hooker giving it away for free with no positive outcome. I know being 36 years old for some women who seem to have it all is perfect, but to be honest I’m happy not having it all. In the world of women (some not all) having it all means a good job, a place to live, husband or boyfriend, kids, and a small pet. That is having it all, but when they meet a woman who isn’t there, there is this instant level of a few things: envy, because they remember what their lives were like before all of the extra’s that they have now. Guilt because they love their lives so much, but if they could have my life for just a day they would totally take it. Love, they remember that they have people who love them, look up to them when I just have a fat cat who likes to wake me up at strange hours of the night because he’s taken a major dump in his litter box so naturally 3 a.m. is the perfect time to run around the apartment. Appreciation, they go back to their lives and find the appreciation that comes from the people around them, kids and a significant other. It is that moment when they realize that they really do love their life and would never go back to mine.
I laugh when some people criticize me about my life. They say, “Oh I am sure you home is spotless.” I look at them and say, “Somewhat, but not really.” They give me this strange look, I casually tell them, “I halfway make my bed, there are clothes tossed all around the closet and bathroom, my shoes land pretty much wherever I feel like when I get home. Workout clothes are laid out over my golf clubs because I don’t play right now.” the looks they give me are priceless! I should record them.
Why are we so hard on each other? Can we just let people live their lives without some form of opinion? I’m happy with my life, I’m happy that I don’t have anyone to answer to, my space is my own. When it comes to the topic of children, I’ve accepted that I’ll never physically be able to have any, but I may explore the idea of adoption. There is nothing wrong with that, but the good thing about me and the life I have, no woman ever has to worry about me judging her for any of her life choices. I am the last person they will ever have to worry about because it is their life, their choices, their mistakes.
Men go off on this particular situation so easy! Their friends or people they associate with will not judge them. I am sure they just say something and that is it, but I seriously think there are moments in my life when it would have been easier to be a man than a women. Do you ever feel like that?