When establishing a relationship with someone do you set any rules up for it? I know we all create rules for ourselves, but how do you make sure you follow through on those that you want to enforce in a relationship? I’ve always wondered that one, I guess you can say I am just now figuring all of that out.
I can mentally and emotionally kick myself many times over for failing to follow rules that I put forward in any relationship that I set out to be in. My fault is when I say them or write them out, I get to face to face with the person and it all goes to crap, I mean total crap! I blame myself, I should be stronger than that to make sure the person I am about get involved with knows it.
Where do the rules start, how do you establish guidelines and what type of regulations will you have? I’ve always looked at relationships as between two people, no major form of serious heavy commitment, but a small level of commitment of not cheating, no lying, and just be honest with me no matter what. I am not the kind of woman to sit back and let the man I am with go off with other women. It was done to me years ago twice and to be honest I will not stand for it again. I’m done, to me cheating is the lowest form of a person’s personality because once someone starts cheating they will keep doing it. They say it is a cycle, but to me it’s something totally natural to them.
What I would like to know is when you are starting out in a new relationship you want to be honest with them on your expectations. How much information is too much? Do you let them know gradually or just lay it out there from the start? I mean the worst thing someone can do is want a relationship with someone put in all the effort to get them to like them, but cut it off completely. Now life starts all over again because someone couldn’t play by the rules from the beginning.
When it comes to starting fresh with the same person a second time around, I’ve learned to lay out all the cards. I mean no games, no excuses. The problem I face is dealing with the outcome of what the other person may want. I mean he maybe attracted to someone else, but still want me. How do you do that? I am not made to be a “side-chick” either your with me or your not. We don’t have to have the same address, or keep things at each other’s apartments. What I mean is, either your with me or your not. Black and White, simple. What I have hoped for in “second chances” is that the other person understands that I can’t read their mind. I don’t know what is going on, don’t Ever Assume anything because in the end You end up looking like a total ass at the same time making me look like one for even contemplating the idea of second chances with you. Feelings and emotions always come into play with relationships, I mean you have to like the person to begin with, you have to find them attractive in some way or else why waste both of your time?
When you’ve had your heart broken one too many times what kind of rules do you set up for yourself? I guess it took a lot for me to not be so jaded, but I did. I was and kind of still to this day a bit jaded when it comes to relationships. I like them, but honestly to me they don’t have lasting appeal. Horrible track record and to be honest I expect the other person to totally want to bail because that is just how it works for me. I can’t seem to ever meet one to really stick around to see where it may possibly go. I believe I’ve said I’m not personally ready for marriage, but maybe in about ten years or so, who freaking knows.
As you can see I am not a fan of games, I hate mind games they have been played on me for so long I’m done. The instant I see a guy playing mind games with me or my friends I bounce and I tell them the same thing. Why do we allow so much to get complicated. I would really like to have a relationship where I’m not getting jealous over something I don’t understand or upset about. Being jealous is a new feeling for me, never experienced before in my life and to be honest if I have to experience it for any reason I am not going to be happy. I always take into consideration for my partner’s feelings and more. I don’t ever want to give the feeling if doubt and mistrust, he would know I’d never cheat on him, but at the same time I don’t need him around 24/7 even if at times I act like it.
Establishing any kind of relationship be it: boyfriend/girlfriend, casual dating, f%*k buddies there needs to be levels of understanding. Why pull someone into your life if you don’t know who you are or even what you want. I think I keep my rules pretty simple and not complicated. Life is complicated enough on a daily basis, why on earth would you want to complicate it more when you are trying to have an adult relationship? Being single sucks enough, relationships are great, but eventually like everything else they hit their shelf life (depending on the couple) and eventually someone will want out or both. Opening a door to someone in your life is something private, why do that if you just want someone to be a f%*k buddy?
Where does things end when it comes to a relationship? I know when it’s over, but I mean the rules, regulations and guidelines? When do they start and when do they end? I’d really like to know. You get tired of wondering how things will work out when you are with someone, when in reality your just thankful that someone finds you attractive enough to even want to spend time with you. I guess I have a low level of expectations about myself, but I don’t take any of it for granted. A lot of people I’ve spoken to recently have noticed that when they are in a relationship with someone it makes them feel very special when their partner notices the small little things, instead of the big things. It gives them a sense of total pride because they thought of that person instead of being told to do something.
When I look at my past relationships the first guy would do simple things, I guess I took that as something special because it was my first major relationship. The other one was a total disaster. I had to tell him or point out to him that he should do this or that to make me happy. I remember on one of our “Anniversaries” I had to be the one to plan everything. He paid for it all, but I had to plan the restaurant, the horse drawn carriage, and everything else for the evening. That was frustrating and to be honest it didn’t get any better because after a while I was the one giving him money to buy my gifts. Trust me I was done, over it long before we actually broke up. Recently it was different I didn’t have to point things out, didn’t have to tell him, he just paid attention and just knew. That was easy, too easy at times, but fun.
When a man tells you “No Dice” on whatever rules you put out to him, what do you do? I was advised to walk away and never look back because if a man really wants you he will do what he can to get you. It will definitely be a life lesson with me.
What kind of rules do you set? Do you set them for yourself only or for the relationship as well? When you do know you will be fully satisfied for what’s to come? Let me know.