The never ending question of our lives, especially when we are single. When one is single we think of all the fun we can have when we are in a relationship with another person. The ideas, the hopes, the never ending possibilities. Now I know every single person’s idea of relationships and commitments are different, so please allow me to explain the true definition of what an actual relationship/commitments is defined as:
Webster’s Dictionary defines Relationship as this: Noun, 1) the state of being related or interrelated. 2) the relation connecting or binding participants in a relationship (ie: Kinship or a specific instance or type of kinship). 3) a state of affairs existing between those having relations or dealings, or a romantic or passionate attachment.
With that being said allow me to define Commitment: Noun, 1) an act of committing to a charge or trust (ie: a consignment to a penal or mental institution); an act of referring a matter to a legislative committee. 2) an agreement or pledge to do something in the future; an engagement to assume a financial obligation at a future date; something pledged; or a state or an instance of being obligated or emotionally impelled – committed to a cause.
Now with both words being fully defined according to Webster’s Dictionary it is often that these words get mixed up when it comes to the real world. My question to you, is how you do define a Relationship and Commitment? Two totally different meanings, but when used in the correct way both sides of the parties can fully understand what is going on. Now when starting a relationship you have to have some form of connection, like a spark that happens between the two of you. Dating happens, eventually, sexy time is just around the corner. These meanings are different according to each person. To me a Relationship is: two people agreeing to be together, talking, sexy time, and just being there. At times depending on the person the word Commitment tends to get thrown out there with no real definition or explanation of what the other person is seeking. Allow me to explain that one for you.
In my own world the level of commitments really mean nothing to me, especially when it comes to Men. I’ve been let down so many times by men in my life that if I hear the word “Commitment” I instantly freak out in my own head thinking, “What is he talking about?” In my life I’ve experienced men coming in and out of my life like it’s some revolving door. I hate that and I’m tired of it, no more I’m done. Again, it all depends on how it is used or defined to me in my head. The way I look at it, is if you are in a Relationship with someone, you get to know them, spend time with them, and don’t cheat then you are in a relationship with someone, however being Committed to each other doesn’t mean a ring! It doesn’t mean I want you living my my space, I am light years away from that level of trust. For me it is more of: Don’t Cheat, and just be there. That is all! Nothing more, nothing less. If I am taking too much of your time, please tell me don’t make me feel like I’m just some anchor weighing you down because you have to entertain me, trust me I can entertain myself, I’ve been doing that for years.
If the level of commitment changes for either side, please talk it out. Don’t shut someone out just because you are assuming you know what is going on. That is the worst thing you can do. Because in the end not only have you ended something that was fun, and who knows how long it was going to last anyway, but by saying the stupid crap/cop out breakup line, “It’s me not you.” is lame, been used one too many times, come up with something else or how about this new concept just be honest with someone, what every happened to being honest.
I was single for eight years, yes eight solid years. During that time I was living with my parents, going to school, working, and trying to figure myself out. Lucky for me I was able to do that. I now know what makes me happy, and what I will not stand for. I also took that time to really meet God for the first time. Growing up Catholic just wasn’t cutting it for me anymore. I lost who I was, or the idea of who I could be. Now with my new Church and an amazing Church family it felt like I was complete….well kind of I was still missing something. Once I finally got my life together and I could afford to live on my own I realized that no matter what happens, if I meet a guy there is no way on God’s green earth that I was ever going to make the same mistakes again. No, to him moving in, no to me moving out of my place and moving in with him after being together for a short period of time. Yes, to keeping a relationship simple, no to the idea that I need him around 24/7, but yes to him being around every once in a while. Seeing that I’ve always lived with someone never truly alone I love having my own place, my own space. My ability to decorate my home how I want, no one to give me their opinion of where I should put this or that. Good thing for me, I have zero sense of actual decorating so I really could care less if someone liked any of it.
The thing I dislike the most when it comes to relationships is when you are trying to have one with someone who has ZERO personality. If they are dry like toast, do not beat yourself up against a brick wall trying to put some butter on that thing to make it melt. It’s never going to happen. Just toss that dried up toast aside and keep moving. For anything to work there has to be some form of connection, when it’s there all of a sudden everything else seems to work out just fine. Now, not saying you will not have issues or arguments, or something stupid that comes up while your figuring yourself out by being in the relationship, but still the good thing is you know yourself, and you know what you want.
My goal after every past failed relationship I’ve ever had is to be with someone who isn’t intimidated by me, can laugh with me, just be there, and really is a good guy. No, I’m not looking for a ring at this moment in my life. Who knows maybe in about 5-10 years I may change my mind, but as of right now I’m just wanting someone to be there for me. Doesn’t matter how he is, but that he’s willing to spend time with me, be with me, and that we can just enjoy being together. Seriously is that too much to ask for?! I personally do not really have a whole lot of trust in the concept of marriage, I know it is important, but when you see so many of your own use marriage like some revolving door you kind of lose a bit of nostalgia for it.
When words and meaning get confused it causes issues and problems where ones never existed. Just because the outside world gets involved just a bit doesn’t mean that it needs to define everything this relationship is or possibly could be. When did it become so complicated to just be in a relationship, why can’t two people just have fun with one another and see where it goes. Who knows how long they will be together, but just be.
Do you ever wonder what kind of relationship type you are? Maybe now is the time for you to sit back and really think about it. Truly think of what you really are after and what you hope to gain because no one wants to be alone for the rest of their lives. That’s the worst thing that could ever happen, the opportunity to miss out on being happy with someone just because your afraid or confused about what you really want. It is our nature, our human nature to truly be with someone no matter what. You can not allow other’s to define who you are or what you are attracted to, just see if you can find that spark with someone and take the moment to just enjoy the laughter, the hugs, kisses and more.