I have to say a major Thank You to my ex for this topic. (Laughing) He is so funny and sweet, at times a major butt-head! I know he is observant of certain things in life, but when it comes to flirting or trying to get something out of him it’s like pulling teeth. I started to realize that maybe he is totally oblivious to it. (Laughing even harder). Does he even really know how I feel about him? That I would be willing to give him a second chance, but not make it so easy? or does he just go on with his life like it was all nothing, but enjoy the memories.
Do men all miss the mark with this? I mean I knew when my father was flirting (which was often) because women would just fall over themselves with the way he looked at them, his smile, and the way he would remember what they drank. However he would never remember their names, that I found was pretty normal for men. Does the way a woman represents herself to a man an indication of who she is as a person? The way she dresses maybe seen as “flirting” or even the idea that maybe just maybe she might want to wear something sexy or nice just so you would pay attention to her. I mean she has singled you out for a reason, take a hint! You’re killing me!
Women can pick up on all kinds of signs that a man is laying out there, even pick up on other women and how they handle themselves, but why is it when it comes to men and women do the signals get crossed? How is it that men can say what they mean to their friends, black & white no grey at all, but when it comes to telling a woman what he wants in the relationship it gets all muddy. For example, men think of sex multiple times a day (don’t deny it) but they think of these things and come up with fantasies they may want to try with their woman, but when the time comes for “sexy time” he freezes up and doesn’t open his mouth. You have a mouth, you use it often, tell me what you want! You never know if I may want to give it a try. (From the woman’s perspective). See men, it is a form of communication! You want sex we want words, sentences, face to face communication! Maybe for every blowjob we give you, we get 30 minutes of your time to tell us what is going on in your mind (depends on how long it takes – if you are following my thinking). Think about that!
Ladies we control so much, we have the ability to do that, but at the same time we need to make sure we are sending the right signals to the right man. You can flirt all you want with Joe-Blow, but when it comes to the right kind of guy make sure you focus on him. Don’t openly flirt with every single guy you see because in the end you will get the dog that will totally follow you home with no other agenda than what you have portrayed. Make sure he works for it too. Just like you are, he has to. Never leave more than you want on the table or out on the floor. Keep some things for yourself. He’s not going to open up to you on the first night, but this is where the correct signals are being put out there.
Men, make sure when you are out there on the prowl, be clear on your signals. If you want a woman for just one night, be sure she knows that because not every single woman you meet wants an actual relationship. Now, if you are not the commitment type BE HONEST when you are chasing women around. Don’t keep them tied to you and get into a pissing contest when you see her talking to another man. If she has shown you that she is faithful in many ways then you need to trust her. Again, SIGNALS! Make your intentions clear, no games, no lies. If you do want a relationship with a woman then that is when you make it even clearer than you did initially. Make it known to her that you are in it, if the relationship is only temporary make sure she knows that so she can protect her heart, if it is a “Let’s see how it goes” kind of thing make sure she knows that as well. Now, if you are one of those guys who’s “Light” happens to be on at the moment (total “Sex and the City reference) then make sure she knows a little each day that you are committed to her, that you want her around. Don’t be a chump and be in a relationship with her and then go off bang some other chick because your woman isn’t around at that moment. Call her, I mean come on Phone Sex, nothing wrong with any of that! Be creative.
The point I am making in all of this, if you have not followed me at all is when starting a relationship make sure both sides know what is going on. Nothing wrong with telling a guy you just want him for the night, just like men follow the same rules. If you want a one night stand let her know. When it comes to relationships be sure to let each other know what you want. The problem I am dealing with is how to let the person know that your willing to give it another go no matter what is going on with each other’s lives? I mean do I have to show up in the Valentine’s Day gift that I bought with a jacket on just for him to understand? or do I just need to say it in plain English?! I mean I can say it in Spanish as well, but I know he wouldn’t understand at all, it would be a blank stare. (giggling).
When did the topic of conversation change? If you were interested in someone you just said it, or if you wanted just a one night stand you said it! I’ve done it, and I’ve had a few walk-of-shames the next morning, but there were some I totally owned because it was on my terms not his. My dad was very honest with making sure I was totally prepared for all of that in my twenties, but why is it different when you want to establish a relationship does the conversation change? Does that mean all logic gets thrown out the window or any kind of actual vocal conversation? It kills me with the idea of that. I mean try it out. TALK! Tell each other what you want. I on the other hand have to be careful because I never know exactly where I stand in certain situations, well really all of them. The lack of communication and reason gets thrown out the freaking window often. I’m just as guilty. I am strong in so many ways, but when it comes to certain things I tend to go weak at the knees and totally forgive way too soon. Now that doesn’t mean it’s happened, but I just know that if it does I’ll have to be strong and do the best I can to stay true to myself and put my actual feelings and words out there. Beating him over the head with a bat or my tennis racket is not where I want to go, but if I have to I will.
Does flirting and signals get mixed? How do we make it crystal clear for the opposite sex to understand this is what we want? or do we have to go back to treating men like Neanderthals by beating them over the heads with a bat to get them to understand?
Thoughts and Views from Kansas 🌻 