This idea came to my head when I sat down yesterday on my patio and started thinking. When you get out of a relationship people always tell you, “Move on” or “Wait it out” does that mean you need to move on right away, give yourself some space to heal or really does it mean wait for the person to figure themselves out and see that you were the best thing they’ve had in a long time and come back to you.
If you do take them back will you have stipulations? Will there be certain requirements that he or she needs to make in order to make you happy? Will you do the same thing for them? Now if you give that person a 2nd or 3rd chance what steps will you take to make sure it doesn’t get screwed up again? For me I’m not sure, none of my past relationships ever worked out so well that I actually wanted to take the guy back, until recently. The last two major relationships that I had prior to my most recent ex, I was happy to get out of them. I was happy to never see those guys again, but with the last guy I’d totally accept him back with open arms. No questions asked. I know I’d be totally happy, but in the back of my mind I know I’d still have a few lingering questions of, “Will he do this again? Does this change for him as well? Where does he see this going?” and a list more of questions. I will be very honest with you, I do miss him. I miss his smile, our conversations, getting out of the house and doing things together no matter what it was , his laughter, the way he would hold my hand and just know me. He had a way of making me feel like I was constantly safe, like nothing or no one was going to hurt me and if they did he’s kick their ass. It was the best feeling in the world because I know so many people would definitely try. It’s those little things that made all the difference. Would it be easy the second time around, probably not as easy as the first go around, but I wouldn’t make him suffer either. I’m not a bitch, I can be, but depends on who and why I am that way.
Now when your friends tell you to close the door and move on, yet your heart is screaming at you, “Don’t just leave it cracked a tiny bit.” what do you do with that? I mean your girl friends mean the best, what I love is those conversations with my guy friends. They truly put it into perspective. I mean it is to the point, no games, no grey area just black and white. Now as a woman we lean on our girl friends, they will tell us what we want to hear or just cut it off right at the knee caps. I have a total mix of those ladies and honestly I love it all. We tell each other the truth and still get along. Yet they are also the first ones to tell you, “Dump him, forget about him. Move on, start dating other guys.” I mean we get real honest.
Knowing relationships are never easy, do we really let go of the one good one when all we’ve ever had are bad. Why do the bad relationships linger and stay, yet so easy to let go when the good relationships are the hardest ones to survive? Do men ever go through the emotional ups and downs after a breakup? I’d really like to know that one. What is the emotional level of guys when it comes to ending a good relationship, what makes you do it? would you want to get a second chance with her or do you want her to move on and start brand spanking new withe someone else? Is that what you want for yourself knowing how hard it is for you to start over?
Dating sites are the worst. Guys on there say they are looking for a relationship, but I am starting to find it hard to believe that they even really want to find Miss Right, but want Miss Right now and what type of sex can they have. I have started to ask women about that. When we are really ready to meet a good guy, the jerks/douche-bags come around. It’s that whole, “Wolves in Sheep’s Clothing” kind of situation. Men have to deal with the same thing. I just wonder when a good relationship ends, what is the process? I’ve never had to deal with it until now.
My ex doesn’t have to ever worry about me talking bad about him, there is no reason to. He is a good man. If he ever reads these blogs he’d know that, but I have zero clue if he does. I just know he’s supportive of my writing. I know I talk about him a lot, but in reality he was the best example of a man who knows all about himself, knows what life is like, experienced all kinds of things and is still standing. The one thing I wished we talked more about was our feelings for each other. I did the best I could to keep mine in check, but I know I failed miserably. I tried the best I could to not show him just how happy he made me on a daily basis with just a text, one of those stupid GIF’s, or just making dinner reservations to some place I’ve never been. I still laugh at the memory of us going into a Bookstore, we had to use the restrooms and I warned him that I’m a book addict, well he saw it first hand. He had to stand behind me as we were walking out to get me out the door. I mentally started a list of books I wanted to buy. He just laughed, grabbed my hand and we walked out the door. I wanted to give him the puppy dog look of, “please just a few more minutes.” but I lovingly opted out of that. I wanted to see this Fire Festival, that was a messed up situation.
I wouldn’t even know where to start with trying to grasp the idea of what I offered to him. I know I made him laugh, but when it came to everything else I really have no clue we never talked about it. If I made him happy, he never said anything. If he was excited about our relationship, again he never said anything. There may have been moments where he liked having me around, in his space, or talking to me about anything and everything, but again I just don’t know. I think that is why I have this “I don’t know” what do to feeling when it comes to him. Do I close the door completely or do I leave it cracked a tiny bit?
Wish there was an easy way to figure all of this out. I pray for him daily, just like I pray for us if there is every to be an us again. I mean if he came knocking on my front door just out of the blue one day I’d open it and welcome him in, but I will not be able to explain what could happen next. I’d hope for an actual conversation, but would he want me to go after him? Fight for him? Do we as women have to literally do everything?
What would you do? Would you give your ex a second chance or close the door completely?