Funny thoughts

The Oh Face

This is going to be funny. The face you instantly thought of was something else, but no I’m talking about the other O face, it’s also called Oh my. I get this face almost every day, they think I don’t see it, but I do. I can feel their judgment.

This face has many different forms. The first one is: “Oh your single, but your so pretty.” I just smile and say, “Thank you.” those are the ones where you just want to focus on telling them who you are and what you do, try not to focus on whats going on in your life or maybe what you are lacking. I used to have a lady tell me when I was in my late twenties, “No man likes a smart or strong woman. You need to tone it down or else you’ll stay single forever.” I actually wanted to punch her in the face, but then I had to remember myself this lady is crazy, and what’s worse I’m dating her son. I couldn’t believe she actually said that to me. I left the kitchen and wanted to actually call my mom to tell her thank you for raising me to be a smart, independent woman, but no I just sat there and took all the crap this woman had to say.

The second “Oh face” I tend to get is when I’m in a conversation and women will ask me, “Have you ever been married?” I look at them, mentally thinking, “Here we go, I am going to grab that knife and cut myself this very second.” I smile and politely tell them, “No, I’ve never been married. I have not been fortunate to meet the right guy.” that is when they give the best face ever, it’s that hand over their heart, tilted head to their left, and give me a sad face, “Oh you are such a sweet young lady. I don’t understand.” I just kindly roll my eyes, smile, and move onto another topic.

The next face I love is a mix, it’s either sadness, questions, and confusion mixed together into one set up. I don’t know how they do it, but they do. I was faced with this particular one today. I wanted to jump out of my skin and just leave my body there on the floor to rot. It’s like she branded me with some strange “Scarlet Letter” for single women brand. I don’t know why, but I wanted to instantly run home and wash myself in bleach. It’s a face that I’ve been getting for a while, they ask me how old I am, I tell them, then I just have to deal with the faces that come with. Then I get to deal with all the fun suggestions I can do to try to catch a man. Then I start to shut my chick brain off a little a tiny bit, and start that side of my man brain. I always have some strange remark or comment to say back to them. Those are always fun, allow me to fill you in on those:

“I am not sure I’m ready for a husband yet. I am a horrible housekeeper.” They tell me I need to work on that one, I tell them, “Nope, I’m good. It’s just me.” knowing I’ve already cleaned my entire apartment, but I just leave it alone there. Then when they keep pushing me I just remind them, “Well I like the fact that I can sleep with whomever I want and then they leave, but since I’ve slowed down my ‘sleeping around phase’ I just read erotic romance novels and I’m good.” now those faces tend to be priceless! (laughing). Every now and then I get some who actually look at me like I have three heads or something, I’ve actually had a lady tell me, “Well don’t you want kids?” without skipping a beat I reply, “Nope, I want to be able to run around my place naked anytime I want.” she was shocked! It was funny, I think I offended her in some way because for the rest of the night she not only ignored me, but every now and then pointed towards me with this crazy look on her face. (laughing harder).

Why do people, especially women look at other women with this sad or strange look when they find out something? I mean do we have to be just like everyone else? Last time I checked its just me in this world. I never hear anyone knocking on my door to just come over and hang out with me. My phone doesn’t really ring, or notify me of an incoming text often. At times my phone stays silent. I love it every now and then, but in reality that little “Oh my face” does more harm that many would realize. It is just feeding into our own insecurities that we face daily, the fact that everyone tells us that our standards are too high, or that no man is ever going to live up to any of those we desire. The crap part is when you start to listen, knowing deep down their words are total poison, but they are there, they linger.

For me the one thing I never wanted to be was my mother. Married at 19, first kid at 20, second kid at 23, third kid at 25, and now divorced at 25 raising three kids all on your own, and making it up as you go praying you don’t screw up your kids (even though we kind of were, but that’s a different story) and just trying to give them a life, better one than I had. Trust me when I say, our lives were so much better and so easy compared to my mother’s. My goal in life was to surpass my mother, have a decent life, live it, but not really think about kids. Marriage was something I always stayed away from only because certain family members love to use it like a game, you win if you marry the right person – collect their money and move onto go. Then divorce them and do it all over again.

The crap face is the one’s you get when the throw your younger relatives in your face. “Look so & so is married. She looks so happy.” yeah good times. I just look at the picture, depending on who it is I just say, “I give it five years.” that is when I get in trouble, can’t help my smart mouth on things like that, I just say it.  I wish people (women) would just leave us alone, the world judges us enough, I don’t need it when I’m in the office, or out. This is why I wear a fake wedding band every now and then when I am out, people leave me alone, they smile more, and are just polite. It’s crap like that, that drive me crazy. I wish we would stop punishing ourselves over things that are beyond our control. Let me enjoy my space while I can, if things do not work out for me the way they should, maybe I will retire on a cruise ship with a waiter that looks like Colin Firth, or Robert Redford (younger look) with Paul Newman eyes, nice rich blue color. When I die, just dump me on some strange island and wave goodbye. I know it sounds crazy, but please people keep your judgments to yourself. I don’t need to hear them or really face them. You pay one of my bills, then I will give you every opportunity to decide what I should do with my life.