In Webster’s Dictionary, the word Projecting is a verb, it has many different meanings, but the key definition I was looking for is: plan (a scheme or undertaking); extend outward beyond something else; present or promote (a particular view or image). “he strives to project an image of youth”; present (someone or something) in a way intended to create a favorable impression. “she liked to project herself more as a friend than a doctor”; display (an emotion or quality) in one’s behavior.”everyone would be amazed that a young girl could project such depths of emotion”; transfer or attribute one’s own emotion or desire to (another person), especially unconsciously. “men may sometimes project their own fears onto women.” (Thank you Google and Webster’s Dictionary).
This word and meaning can have a positive or negative effect on a person. It really does depend on how they see themselves. I as a grown woman, who has lived through some serious messed up situations, yet learned from them, knew that if I didn’t get my head out of my butt that I was going to be stuck, like some hamster on a wheel with no direction. Luckily I finally woke up and got my stuff together. No, no one had to tell me, I figured it out all on my own (that’s the crazy part about being an adult, responsibilities – they suck!), however I was able to find myself and make corrections. I started to set standards for myself, and prayed that other women would do it as well. We are so much more than what the world wants us to be. Not judging here, but if you make money showing skin, then my goodness you better make sure you keep some dignity and self-respect in the mix of all that skin you are showing. It is easy to get jaded, especially when you have so much time to think of all your past mistakes.
My issue with women, is that when we experience failure after failure in life we hold onto it, we do not let it go. It starts to build this hard shell around your heart, then you start to create a different persona of yourself. Once you lose who you are then that is it, you start to make the world pay for what you are projecting. Why make all of us pay for the fact that you can’t understand that the world isn’t always following you, into you, or that people just are nice. Your super thick skin makes you think that someone is always out to get you, when in reality they just think you are a nice person. The funny thing is when someone tells me, “Men and Women can not be friends.” I stop and think, then I tell them, “I humbly beg to differ on that one. I have many guy friends who are very nice, funny, good looking, but aren’t interested in me like that because, well we understand the rules.” they look at me not exactly understanding what I am saying, I continue, “I can’t stand here and tell you that not every man doesn’t think about sex, they do, it’s in their DNA, but if you can meet a guy, knowing that not everyone of them is attracted to you, and that they truly just want to be friends then your life will be so much easier.” then they turn around and say, “You don’t know what I mean.” I remind them again, “Actually I do. I have many guy friends that I am not physically or emotionally attracted to at all. I know I am good there, but I am still ‘friends’ with my ex.” when I tell a woman that they are so surprised. It is that look of total confusion and disbelief. That is when I have to go into a semi explanation of how and why, “My ex is a great guy, funny, smart, charming, and so sweet, but in the end it wasn’t what he wanted and I’ve just had to accept it as best as I can. No hate, no ugliness, no disrespect for each other. Just friends” (no matter how much at times I wish I could do more to him, but I stop myself often because I know that ‘zing’ is still there I feel it, but I have ZERO clue when it comes to him, he’s great about shutting down). They end up telling me that I am a better person than they are. I kindly thank them, but tell them, “No, I’m not, but in reality I prefer to enjoy what we had, because it was my first healthy relationship and try to make better decisions in the future.” I do the best I can to leave it there, but they go on and on about how men are one way, and then they are another way. All I can do is go into my man brain and basically tell them, “You have to stop projecting to them. It isn’t about you all the time. It is about them. You have to stop punishing that guy for some other guys mistakes, also please stop thinking that every single man is physically attracted to you. It doesn’t work that way. Not every single guy is wanting to get into your pants.”
When I say those words, I instantly feel sorry for them. To me it shows, that they don’t really know the world at all, just base everything off personal experiences. It breaks my heart because in the end they have no idea what they are letting pass by them. I mean new friendships, new opportunities, new adventures, and maybe just maybe be introduced to someone new from your group of new friends. It hurts me because they would rather stay closed up in their own little world instead of opening their minds to say, “Okay, maybe not every single guy that is out there is a dog, or a pig, but there are really great guys who just want to be friends and nothing more.” to me when women start to project their trust issues it really is a reflection of themselves, not wanting to take a leap of faith. Again this is where my “male brain” comes from, “It isn’t about you! Get off your ‘high horse’ and come back to reality.” I remember my father telling to learn those words, understand them and when you start to figure out who in the male world be a true friend, or who can be the boyfriend. BIG difference.
Now when it comes to men, and how they think I tend to tell myself that I am somewhat of an expert, but then again they always manage to throw some wicked curve ball that makes me swing and miss. I hear the umpire, “Strike!” then I just roll my eyes and try again. I am glad I have a guy I can talk to every now and then and get his perspective, no not my father, but believe it or not my ex (I’ll never reveal his name) but he is very honest with me. The one thing that I knew from him, is that his kisses said a lot, but in reality the lessons I’ve learned from him and still learn to this day help me better understand the male brain. It really is simple ladies, not much to truly understand when it comes to them, guess that explains why they are portrayed as Neanderthals in all historical references. Their brain function is really simple: food, sleep, work, and sex. Now through the years some will add in exercise, fun, drinking and sports into their lives, but in reality what you see is what you get. They don’t communicate very well, at times you do need to knock them over the head with a hard item (metaphorically, not reality, know the difference please) when they meet the right woman they don’t hold onto issues from their past relationships, you want them to forget the woman they were with before you because you want his undivided attention. They will question your motives at times because you are so different than the previous woman, but when you give them something to keep in their minds then trust me that past chick and issues will start to decrease. Now you may have to keep kicking the sex up a notch here and there, but please do not give them everything, let them figure it out. It’s like giving them a gold star when they finally figure out how to snap the bra off, “Yeah sweetie! You did it, your such a big man. I’m so proud of you.”
The worst part in all of this, majority of the time it is us (women) who mess things up. It’s that part of our brain, our anatomy that just goes there, when in reality the men just want to keep things simple, food, sleep, work and sex. Nothing more, nothing less. Now, you will occasionally get that one guy who just flubs it all up because of his own issues, and well now he’s digging himself out of a whole with no real way of ever getting out of it, but he’s not projecting his issues onto you, he’s internalized them by ruining probably the best relationship he’s had in a long time. Believe me they do it too.
In truth ladies, start to learn to let go of all your issues, trust yourself again. If you don’t know who you are take the time to really figure yourself out. No shame in that, just be real! In the end the right group of people will come into your life, men and women, who want to be your friend, just friends, learn to trust that. Now, nothing says that eventually someone will slip and want to have some physical connection with you, but take your time, get to know yourself first, then get to know them. You are the one you have to look at daily not them. When you realize that, you start to trust it and move forward with understanding just how truly different a lot of men are, not all of them are crazy, butt-heads who only think with one brain (the one below their belly button) that they actually just want to be friends, you don’t have to flirt with every single guy you met. Have fun, that is what life is all about.