Ever wonder why it is difficult to date as you get older? I know I do. When I was in my twenties I realized that I am not the best person to “date” I am a relationship person. I prefer to be settled in a relationship enjoying the ins and outs of it all, since then I am still that type of person.
As I’ve gotten older I have tried to date, but realized that no matter how old a guy gets he still acts like that crazy frat boy who looks for his buddies to lift him upside down at some keg party, (Not judging, I’ve done it before.) or even worse, they look forward to always looking down your shirt no matter what. Look I am not judging at all, it is in the nature of men to always be that sixteen year old boy (hormonal) getting super excited about seeing a naked girl for the first time and getting that sense of, “Oh my gosh what do I do?” for girls the idea of being naked in front of a guy brings so much horror, and at times mental and emotional preparation.
The direction of this particular topic is because I came across an article on Facebook about women in their 40’s learning to love the idea of dating, and how it is the best thing they can ever experience I started thinking, in my 20’s dating was so unbelievably easy, for all my friends. They knew where they could meet guys, some had a different “boyfriend” almost every quarter, but as we get older and more set in our ways, is it really any easier? I started to read a lot of the comments ladies were making, they all seemed offended by the writer’s point of view. It actually broke my heart. I am 36 years old, never married, no kids (not that I really want any) but looking at these women who posted comments I noticed majority of them have been married, have kids, some even have grandchildren, but the common thing they had issues with is: Men. The lack of respect, the fact that they don’t take an actual relationship serious, they only want sex. Not to mention they all had issue with another thing, they go after younger women, the rage one said was 15 to 20 years younger. I honestly say that had me second guessing and questioning so much for many reasons. It didn’t make me feel any better.
I continued to read this article and found myself agreeing with the 40 something group of women who were commenting on Facebook. It really is difficult to date. I actually am using personal experiences with this example. Recently I have been trying to be out there, I have gone on a few coffee dates. I meet them at local coffee shops and talk. I met one, within seconds I knew it wasn’t going to work. I basically told him that when I was getting ready to leave. The next one, was a nope – strike two. The third one took the cake. He was nice, funny, smart, but in the end showed his true colors. Just an FYI guys, women do not want pictures of your personal area’s, not at all appealing. You get a bigger kick of checking out our boobs than we do seeing your manly area. Eventually I just let them all go.
Is trying to have a real relationship worth it? Do you ever feel like it is a total rat race out there? I know men do not have it any easier. I mean there are really good women out there, and as one lady put it on Facebook, “With all the trash flashing their stuff in their faces, no wonder they don’t focus on what is real.” I started to laugh when I read that because when trash is flashed in front of a guy, he will get so distracted by a pair of thong panties, just as flashing a treat in front of your dog.
The funny part about the entire article is it made me stop and think. I have to say thank you to my friends. At lunch we started talking about dating and the idea of it. You start the communication, the getting to know each other. Not sure which questions to ask, or even which questions to answer. Then when you start to get a little connection, slowly building a relationship. You start to second guess everything, but at the same time you are so excited. The bigger questions come into play, depending on your personalities that is entirely up to them to figure things out. I love the idea of getting to know know someone knew, but then again all those doubts come into play. Both sides can argue doubts, issues, anything else that comes up when it comes to starting a new relationship.
Is there ever a wrong type of date? Some will say yes, some will say no. I believe it depends on the person. I have had my share of horrible dates, prime example the most recent ones – coffee shop guy who felt the need after two days to text me inappropriate photos thinking that was going to impress me. Believe me I was not that impressed.
When reading all those ladies comments it started to ache in my heart. I mean seriously ache. They all wanted the same thing as me. It started to make sense, it sucks being alone, it sucks trying to understand someone and fit them into your life, but at the same time what is the actual end result of any relationship. You start dating, and then make it up as you go? Think about it, some just want to date, be in a relationship because its right, or do you reach for the finish line of that ever dreaded word (for some) Marriage. Is that your end result? I always saw myself as someone who was happy in a real solid relationship, where the man is a man, but with a good heart, who wasn’t afraid to share in responsibilities and go to Church with me. He would love going out with friends just as much as sitting at home drinking a cocktail, watching an old movie while I was reading. Now, if marriage was the end result for the two of us I always saw myself getting married in a small park, my Pastor there, and maybe a handful of people and a simple dinner after. Something small, romantic, and where I can get away with wearing flats or even flip flops, and a bouquet of flowers from the store. No flashy set up, just simple, classic and ready to start life together. Is it that way for others? Does marriage have to be the end result to everything?
While the article seemed a little too positive for me, far from realistic as the ladies kept saying in the comments thread I started to lose hope. The one thing that is said when you talk to your Married Friends, now some single friends say that, but add in reality because hey we know what its like. When “Hope” comes from your married friends, their hope is that maybe, just maybe you will be one less alone vagina out there, with the possible temptation to snatch someones husband, if they think that then they do not know you. I saw the article as someone trying way too hard. Why do we complicate an already complicated life. We let other’s decide things, our brains, hormones, society and the world. I mean can’t two people just be for a while before you start to get them thinking of things before they are even ready? I started to get irritated by this woman’s upbeat attitude because we naturally all get up at 4:00 a.m. feeling so ready to face our day after we have worked out, made our organic, smoothie with the perfect amount of protein to get us going. Starting to give myself heartburn I closed the stupid article and started to understand all those women’s comments.
In dating with today’s technology, why with all those dating apps and more is it so hard to meet the right guy? Are they all just nasty pervs deep down with the license to showcase themselves in a false light behind a computer or cellphone? or is it really that “Needle in a Haystack” kind of life. I mean you get pricked now and then, but eventually the right guy does come along, until then I guess dating is the equivalent of being “pricked” by sharp objects.