Funny thoughts


This one word can mean so many things to people. Some it is themselves, family, friends, or even materialistic things. For me this word represents so much more than what you can imagine.

I never base myself or my life on materialistic things. I grew up with it, but I know I am valuable. In the world we live in it is hard to see that. You are told no matter if you are man or woman to look, act, or be a certain way. I grew up with that, money was everything, status was everything. No matter what was going on I knew my roll, it was always three steps behind. As I’ve gotten older I learned my worth, I know my price, no it isn’t monetary, but it is Soul worthy.  If someone ever tells you that you deserve a certain kind of life because that is what they think, then they don’t know you. The life you live is based on your connection with God. Roll your eyes at me, call me crazy, but when you put value into things that are not important, you lose value in yourself.

Everyone needs to really learn their value. I know mine, it took more than 33 years to learn that. I grew up in a world where everything was handed to me, my value was based on my level of service, how controlled I was, and so much more. It is sad, some people never knew. It will shock many that I am saying this now, but it took me Years to realize that I am not this person or that person in my family who controlled me. I am not owned like that. I have something they never will, freedom. I refuse to be tied to things that hold zero value or worth to me. Now when I say, “The little things in life matter most.” I mean it because in reality it is true! The hugs, smiles, simple conversations, friendships, and laughter mean more to me than all the crap I grew up with. I have lived out of suitcases, boxes, and trash bags because I didn’t know how long I was going to be welcomed to stay with this person or that person, I was walking down a miserable path. It took me getting on my knees, crying to God to please rescue me. I remember a voice telling me, “Go to bed Jennifer. I will take care of everything.” I fell asleep on the floor of my bedroom. Yes, I had my own apartment then, but I was not happy. I was barely getting by, but I knew I was broken. When I woke up the next morning I checked my phone and it was a text from a family member telling me he’s “Coming to get my for church Sunday morning.” I replied, “Okay.” not thinking anything of it I turned on the radio, I didn’t have any set channels, but for some reason a song came on, “Redeemed” by Big Daddy Weave. I remember standing in my kitchen, boxes packed because I had to move out of my apartment because I had just lost my job. I stood there listening to the words. I started to cry, again.  It was something I needed to hear.

Went to Church the next day and after listening to my Pastor speak I knew I found my worth in God. I knew my standards of my life were lifted. The funny thing is when we go through this life we live according to the world, when in reality it doesn’t matter. It matters to God, and how you live with him. This isn’t an easy topic to discuss with you, but since today is Good Friday I feel like I have to get this out. Knowing your worth doesn’t mean financially, it means Spiritually. I know I’m worth more than what others see in me. Yes, I buy my clothes at second hand stores, who cares. I buy just enough food to get me by and I ration it out at times, but its my sacrifice. The instant you know and see what you are worth as someone who walks with God, you see the world differently. You open your heart more to those in need, you do the best you can to listen to others, you focus on the message that is being sent to you. It becomes a part of you from the inside out. You learn what sacrifice really means when you open that Bible. It isn’t just for collecting dust, it is for full fill meant.

If you want to know how I’ve been seen as my worth in the past, it was always complicated. I am second born, not that important. Learning to cook, clean, serve the family, be proper, be quiet, don’t speak unless you were spoken to, always walk behind the men in your family never next to them because I am less than they are. You are based on a dollar value, any man you get with has to make more than six figures, because in the end you have to take care of your family. It took years, I mean YEARS to get over all of that mess, I’m not there completely, but I am surviving. I started realizing that a fake life is no life at all, and that was what I was living, a fake life. I finally knew that I am “Priceless” my heart, body, mind and soul have no monetary fee to it, it is here temporarily. It doesn’t belong to me, it belongs to God. The things I’ve learned is I have a value, grant it I pray that one day a man can see my worth and accept me just as I am: loud, out spoken, total goofball, and happier with a bowl of ice cream (chocolate chip cookie dough) than some trinket that will lose its value within the first 30 days of me owning it. When you put value and standards on yourself, you see things differently, you view things differently.

Take that time to remind yourself, your significant other, your children that they are totally Priceless, that they are more than what the world says they are. No need for flashy things that bring zero happiness. I know I am totally guilty of saying, “I want this and I want that.” but here is the kicker, I may want something, doesn’t mean I’m going to get it at that very moment, for me it’s I’ll get it when the time is right. Learning patients is my biggest struggle. I still have that now, certain things in my little world, but not everything.

What I say to you may not make sense, but when you sit back and look, really look and think about things around you, you may say, “Nothing is wrong, nothing is missing, I am just fine.” keep telling yourself that, you are truly missing yourself worth. The moment you meet someone who values everything you are inside and out, is just an example of God loving you inside and out, flaws and all. That’s the funny thing about relationships, people come and go, but depending on who they are, they can leave a mark, a footprint all over you. It’s like their own little stamp in your heart. That person cared enough for you just as you are because they saw that you were “Priceless” in so many ways.

Take a moment during this Easter weekend to really thing on the true meaning of Good Friday and Resurrection Sunday aka Easter. It can be a new life for you as well, you just have to step out in faith.