Do you ever feel like that is all you do when you are a single woman? You go to mixers or something equally tragic that kind of resemble Single’s Bars, and all you seem to do is Sell yourself, Market the type of person you only showing the highlights and positives, but Promoting yourself as a great partner who is loyal and not crazy (there needs to be signs for this kind of crap).
It is like a major never ending game of life. When does the ride stop? Do I have to wait until I am six feet under. If I do how depressing is that. I see this all as a game, it really is because when you think about it women are after that deep connection that you only get with the right one, men (not all) are just trying to figure out if they can see your breasts through your shirt or if you are even going to give them a shot at seeing you naked. That is the funny thing about hormones, they take over completely that is when all real rational is thrown out the window, then you have go on your “Sales” Pitch to say why you are an amazing person, yet don’t get too big for his britches because honestly ladies, if you make a man feel inferior to you, you’ve lost him and he will never call you back. When that fails you start to “Market” yourself that could be a variety of things: Online dating sites/apps, want ads, something. It really is up to you how you “Market” yourself to the next guy that you want in your life. No blemishes to be posted on your profile, and make sure that the pictures you are posting are from your Instagram account because the filter on that is fantastic! It hides everything (well as much as it can) and makes your skin look flawless. To be honest those are my favorites. Clothes and shoes make all the difference as well. When you go out, think of your favorite celebrity and think if she would wear something like it and if she did how would she rock it. If you don’t have a budget like Ms. Jennifer Lopez, then well do the best you can with what you have, mix it all up and enjoy the show.
Now, the “Promoting” of yourself to others, make sure you let the guy know that you are independent, self-supporting and into sex, never sex on the first date (try as best as you can, I failed miserably last time) but maybe give him a little something as a teaser. Good way to do that is show some leg, if you have cleavage use them in a clean positive way. You want him to see you as a lady, but yet still adventurous when the time comes give him something to work for. Remember the idea of Romance isn’t really dead, especially if you know what you are looking for. Some women get so jaded by it, and some guys have no idea that depending on the person he is with just smiling and taking her hand at any moment is a plus, knowing what she drinks – on a roll, remembering little things that she has told you, and you remind her so she will not forget – even better. I am not sure when it comes to “Promoting” where are the lines drawn. Do we see romance and promotion as a blurred line?
I can say that I am probably the most simplest woman in the world. The littlest things matter to me. Knowing how I take my coffee, remembering my favorite wine, laughing at me when I trip over my own feet (I was testing gravity and it totally won, at least I caught myself) because honestly if your guy doesn’t laugh at you as well as with you then the relationship is doomed. The thing I dislike the most when it comes to relationships is that there are major emphasis on specific dates, the obvious ones are Anniversaries, Valentine’s Day (I have my own opinion about that day – later discussion), Birthday’s, and some even celebrate their first date. What is wrong with you on that one? Keep that crap simple, because you need to remember how long it took you to get the guy to even get into a relationship with you to start. Never expect the sun, moon and stars because you will be disappointed. Keep things as simple as possible. My ex if we were at his place, he would cook dinner, and hand me a glass of wine. Ask me about my day, and every once in a while walk over to me to give me a kiss. Now he’s a bit of a perfectionist so he’d go back to cooking when my brain was totally elsewhere because I enjoyed how he always kissed me, but there was always dinner and dessert. It’s things like that, moments that should make the biggest impact on a relationship. Make it fun, but work on it at the same time.
Lesson I’ve learned from my ex-step mother. When you are in a relationship the key thing is to let the man feel like a man in every aspect, but remind him that just because he is in “Control” you as well have power. When I was younger I had zero clue what she meant, but now as I have gotten older I get it. I would be very careful when it came to wielding such power, it can bite you back so hard, but at the beginning it is a nice challenge.
My ex from my last relationship had zero problem with me being me, yes I acted like a goofball every once in a while (okay often because I’m a dork and I own it), but it made him laugh which in turn made me laugh. Giving the little smiles to each other, the longing looks spoke so much when it needed to. Then again he was never threatened by me, my career, or life. If he was, never once did he say anything about it because, I distracted him in different ways (insert evil genius giggle). That was something between us, but the relationships before him, those were major lessons of me “Selling, Marketing & Promoting” myself all at the wrong time. Nothing like trying to show your best self, when they are hiding their true selves. Oh the joys of lessons, we each fall down, pick ourselves back up and get back out there. Some are better at it than others while the rest of us just observe the world around us and take in the sexy, funny guy that makes you laugh, yet he’s got that gold band on his finger. That right there ladies is dangerous territory, never once have I ever crossed it, and honestly neither should you. “Selling, Marketing & Promoting” to the wrong type of guy. It is that age old problem that we single ladies face, you meet the guy that you know is totally your type to a T, but you face the truth of life: Married, Engaged, Committed or Gay. That is when you go up to the bartender and order another drink, but ask for a double and try to shake out all the wonderful, but nasty ideas you just had of him going through your mind. Lady’s never really reveal the level of dirty mind, I think it might actually scare men.
In a world where everything is online, how do you “Sell, Market & Promote” yourself as someone who is uniquely different than what is actually out there? They don’t make a support group for that. Is it possible that men are really out there looking for a good woman who is “Selling, Marketing & Promoting” just like them or do they just take what they pick for the day and hope that she’s not bat shit crazy. Just like us, it is always a toss up.
Thoughts and Views from Kansas 🌻 