You have sat down and had a quiet moment to yourself? I have plenty of those. That is when my brain is most active coming up with ways to either distract me of things I need to do or remind me of all that I have done (or whatever I can remember) and also come up with some great ideas for new stories, along with still working on my current Novel that has been in process for the last 3 years! I know, I know I am a total procrastinator.
I started thinking this afternoon, do we ever get to a point in our lives where we start saying, “Yes” to living it as best as we can, “No” and just settling with what life has given us, or “Maybe” to who really cares. Throwing it all to the wind. Think about it, I mean really truly think about it. If I had to go through every single past relationship in my life I’ve had some pretty screwed up ones, none of them I should have ever been apart of. Any sane person would have realized that, but then there is that one relationship that go away because of life, and it was a great one too.
Are we ever really ready to spend time with someone on a daily basis? I know women who are married and they are so happy to have someone who loves them, sees them for who they are, sticks around no matter how much they drive each other completely bat shit crazy.
Then there are those women who are in relationships, live alone, but at times wish the guy would stay at her place or even stay at his place more often. You know, have that extra toothbrush next to his. Maybe keep some pajama pants there because you end up wearing his t-shirt anyway. Then go back to your own little space and relish the thought of this is mine, all mine and no one can take this from me.
See, I know what it is like to have both. The full on relationship where you live with someone. Eat together on a daily basis. Its so great in the beginning, but then when you realize you are with the wrong person you lose the excitement of it all. Then it starts to get really boring. He sits on the couch watching some stupid show while you read something that you pretend is totally interesting. Oh yeah, good times.
Then there is the world where the both of you have your own space, your own place and it couldn’t be better. I mean sleep over at each other’s place anytime you want then go home and enjoy some silence and your entire bed. Keep in mind that bed still smells really great from your fabric softener, it doesn’t smell like sex from the day and night before.
How do you know when you are actually ready to spend every single day with someone? I can sit here and say I thought I knew when I was hoping to be ready, but now if I ever get into another relationship I think keeping my own place, where all my things are for longer than it’s probably recommended seems okay with me. I mean give the guy a key! That way he can be at your place whenever he wants, make sure to get the same thing in return. I’ve always thought if I ever got that serious again with a guy, the best thing to do is to check when he’s going to be home and show up in a great jacket. One that has the buttons and wrap on it, that way when you get to his place you can totally surprise him. Hopefully he will love it, depending on the guy you just never know. I like the idea of being in a relationship, no major expectations just being together and having as much sex as possible. Either you sleep over or you don’t. The worst thing any guy or gal do is not set the rules. If rules are not established then someone ends up falling for that person and in the end hearts are totally broken. Trust me I know.
I fall under that category now in my age where I would love to be in love, but still keep my own place. I want to do that for selfish reasons. I haven’t really lived alone in a VERY long time. I’ve always had someone living with me: a guy, semi-roommate, or living with family. I want to be in a relationship where I get to keep my own place, have my own things, but still have that sense of knowing that someone out there wants to be with me and shower at my place if he needs to and go off to work. I love the idea of waking up every now and then with someone next to me, but knowing, “Crap I’m going to have to wash these sheets.” and it doesn’t upset you at all. The calmness of something simple, no games, where we both each know the rules. Maybe just maybe feelings can come naturally, not be forced and it’s just fine. I used to wonder if it was ever really possible, but then it happened. The problem is it also ended. That’s when you realize no rules were ever set. No one had the balls to just say, “I am not really looking for something long term, I just want us to have fun.” or even, “I am so into you, but I am not sure how long this will last.” A total cliche I know, but you learn all of this as time goes on.
My education of men started very young. My grandfather, father, uncles and cousins. None of them had any filters, so naturally you pick everything up. I had an amazing talk with my father at certain stages of my life. When I was of “dating age” which for my parents was around 14 or 15 years old, but still chaperoned. He told me, “Jennifer, make sure you do not kiss the boy on the first date, wait until it’s the fourth or fifth date. Maybe then you will know if he’s truly into you.” Good sound advice, it really actually helped me when I started dating. Then I turned 16 years old, got my first car and it was, “No boys in this car. Make sure I know him and don’t let him drive you to any empty parking lots or parks late at night.” Okay, getting really good there dad. LOL! Turning 18 was fun in my house. Graduating High School, my father knew I was still a sweet innocent girl. Heading out to my after graduation party my dad stopped me, “Mija, now that you are an ‘Adult’ please keep your wits about you. If anyone offer’s you something to drink watch them pour it. If it’s nasty spit it back into the cup and casually put it on the floor and leave it.” Kept that lesson even to this day. But turning 21 was a lot of fun, now my dad had someone he could take to the bar, drink with and also give a little bit of “training” on men and bars.
It was pretty funny that night. He told me, “Okay, Jennifer. Guys are going to be looking at you. Remember, keep your drink with you at all times, never put it down. If it is empty give it to a waitress or the bartender. If a guy buys you a drink, pick something that is simple never too complicated, but go with him to the bar and place your order yourself. If you are drinking together make sure to tell the waitress what you want and do the best you can to keep your eyes on your drink, but don’t be rude to the guy.” I know what your thinking, “What kind of father talks to his daughter that way?” well my dad did and to be honest it was probably the best lessons in life I’ve ever learned from him. One’s that will stay with me forever, maybe just maybe I will teach my kids that (if I EVER get married & have kids) but still it was words of wisdom from a man who absent majority of my life. The worst part about all of it is he couldn’t give me sound relationship advice, like how to make one work. Yeah, not the best example. My mom really wasn’t either. Honestly I don’t blame them, but thank you Candice Bushnell for coming up with “Sex and the City” I watched the episodes when I was in my early twenties thinking, “Ugh no way am I going to be 35 years old and still single.” well now I am re-watching those same episodes all over again and here I am 36 years old, a little wiser and many more miles under me, single and with a cat. Oh the irony of my world. All I can do is laugh, really laugh, because in the end it really is funny.
Maybe one day I’ll get lucky, the right one will come along and want to put his toothbrush next to mine, and won’t care if I keep a pair of my favorite pajamas at his place wearing one of his t-shirts. I’m still hopeful, life can’t be over at 36. I mean mine technically started at 35! LOL!!